Gays use Michele Bachmann for their own reparative therapy

Minneapolis - Amid reports that the husband of Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann uses a controversial reparative therapy to "cure" homosexuals of their "disease," leaders in the gay community revealed that Bachmann herself has long been part of their own reparative therapy programs. "Any damage done by Marcus Eunuch Bachmann and his Christian Therapy Clinic is easily undone," explained gay rights activist Handy Longstroker. "We simply remind our community members that Michele Bachmann is a women. That usually ends any opposite gender attraction."

The Republican Congresswoman from Minnesota, who is noted for her sex appeal by right wing tea party conservatives, fares differently in the world of normal people. In fact, several prison wardens dampen the sex drive of inmates by placing full sized posters of Ms. Bachmann in rec rooms. "She's more effective than saltpeter in the mashed potatoes," explained warden Ward Warden of Folsom Prison. Warden's remarks ended quickly with the sound of a train whistle. "Shhh . . . I hear the train a comin'," said warden Warden.

Longstroker said he found it easy to wrap his hands around the Bachmann controversy. "This is the kind of thing you grab hold of and tug on until it erupts in your direction," explained the smiling activist. "If life hands you lemons," continued Longstroker, "squeeze them till the juice runs down your leg." When asked by a reporter whether he was referring to the Lemon Song by Led Zeppelin, Longstroker replied, "I'm referring to your balls, silly."