Gingrich vows to stay in Presidential race until Tiffanys bill is fully paid

WASHINGTON - Former House Speaker and Republican Presidential Candidate Newt Gingrich fired back at critics calling for him to end his quest for the Republican nomination after his entire campaign quit, taking with them all the desks, chairs, copy machines and coffee makers. Gingrich's vow to stay in the race came after two days of wandering around the office looking for a place to sit and wondering who would bring him coffee. The desperate former Congressman finally pawned several of his wife Callista's diamonds, rented office equipment and hired some temporary workers. With a fresh brewed cup of coffee in hand and a rented secretary on his lap, Gingrich dictated his press release.

According to the statement from Gingrich, "Despite questions to the contrary, I am very serious about my campaign for President. My goals are clear and unequivocal. I am in this race to stay until I raise enough money to pay off my Tiffanys one-million dollar line of credit and close my account. The current deficit spending in Washington is bankrupting America, and I believe that paying off my personal deficit will set an example for Congress and the White House to live within its means."

In the past, when questioned about his large line of credit at Tiffanys, Gingrich responded by pointing out how expensive it is to keep and maintain a trophy wife 23 years his junior. "McCain married a rich trophy wife whose father bought him the Senate seat in Arizona. I wasn't so lucky. Callista costs a fortune to maintain. I'd like to shoot the son of a bitch who thought of the ad-line, 'Diamonds are a girl's best friend.' Obviously he was never married."